


Dirty Little Secret

by Sairyn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Consensual Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Smut, Spanking, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:58:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7214149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairyn/pseuds/Sairyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon is being his usual, clumsy, annoying self and as usual Raphael is chastising him for it. But this time, Simon had had enough. In the heat of the moment- new secrets are revealed and Raphael never saw it coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Choice

**Author's Note:**

> “I am going to give you two options. One, you can forget this ever happened and I will never mention it again. Or… and he pauses then gripping Raphael just a tad bit tighter. You could come to my room and I can show you how commanding I can truly be.”
> 
> This is my first time playing with this pairing and I did not have a chance to have it beta read- so forgive any typos.
> 
> I'm [sairyn-noc](http://sairyn-noc.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Come by and say hi!

Crash

Simon!! That better not be my mug I just heard hit the ground.”

Simon winces looking at the handle of said mug in his hand, the only piece not on the floor.

“Sorry” he calls out.

Simon quickly scrapes up the rest of the broken pieces of glass before grabbing a wad of paper towels to wipe up the blood splatters. It's not like he means to fuck up; like he means to drop Raphael's favorite mug. It was an accident. Just like the time he blew out all the electricity while trying to setup a WiFi network, so he wouldn't be stuck in his room every time he wanted to play one of his games, or that last shirt he sort of “borrowed” from Raphael then promptly ripped while practicing his super speed throughout the Du Mort (who moved the lamp anyway). Yeah, Simon didn't meant to always be messing things up, it just seemed to be the one thing he was good at. When he was younger and a mundane, Clary used to call him shaky Simon- due to him always being on edge, twitchy, and clumsy, and well you get the picture. But when he was 18 Simon found a better way to focus and channel his excess energy. Unfortunately he hasn't had an opportunity to exorcise his demons in his favorite way since his turning.

Simon didn't hear Raphael approach until he spoke. He would like to say he didn't flinch or jump at the voice that suddenly rumbled next to his ear, but that would be lying.

“Idiota. What am I going to do with you?”

“Um… Raph… I”m really sorry.” Simon stuttered. He hates that the older vampire makes him nervous. Clary keeps trying to tell him that he has nothing to be afraid of; that he just needs to take some time to get to know him. He just nods and stays silent. He can't tell her the truth, the real reason. How do you tell your best friend who has known you since kindergarten that over the last couple of years you have discovered you're bisexual. Oh, and you have a massive hard on raging, daily wet dream inducing crush on your leader. I mean who wouldn't right? Raphael with his hard lines and angles, pale skin that beautifully contrasts with his dark eyes and hair. And don't even get him started on the dam accent that sounds like heaven; falling from his gorgeous lips like warm caramel making Simon salivate for an opportunity to lick it off. Fuck. Of course Raphael doesn't see him that way. As far as Simon knows he sees no one “that way”. Raphael is for all intents and purposes- asexual. That doesn't stop Simon from thinking about him; especially when he is, ahem, burning off some excess energy in his bed via his own hand.

“Are you listening to me? What is going on with you today?”

Raphael's words cut through Simon's thoughts. “Huh?”

“This is how you pay attention? You will get yourself killed out there. Did you ever think of that? Your complete inability to stay focused longer than a second is your…”

Simon doesn't know when his body decided to act, but something inside of him just sort of snapped because when his brain caught up to his body, he had Raphael pinned against a wall, hands above his head. He wasn't even breathing heavy, not that he needed to breathe anymore. _Shit_ he thinks, what has he done? Simon catches the eyes of his leader, still in his grip. His eyes are wide, his pupils blown. Raphael gasps, and quickly licks his lips.

“What do you think you are doing?” Raphael asks.

Simon is ready to apologize- again. It's sitting right on the tip of his tongue. But something about the way Raphael looks makes him pause. Raphael is breathing, no a better description would be to say that Raphael’s breath is coming out in short shallow breaths, almost panting. His voice has an odd to tremor to it as he replays the question in his head.

“Let go of me.” Raphael says a little stronger, surer.

Simon looks at his leader with new eyes. Is he seeing what he thinks he is seeing he wonders? He grasps Raphael's wrists harder and leans in a bit closer, just enough so they are sharing warmth. And he feels it then, the slight shiver, he hears another quick intake of breath that escapes from Raphael’s pursed lips.

“No,” Simon  answers confidently.

Raphael inhales deeply, slowly, and Simon can see he is trying to bulk himself up, appear larger than his smaller frame allows.

“You do realize I am faster than you, not to mention stronger than you.”

Simon lifts an eyebrow cocking his head to his side. “And yet, you are still here. Being held against the wall by me. You could pull away at any time.”

Simon leans in even closer, rolling his hips against his leader’s pelvis. He knows it's a risk, but if he is reading the signs right, he may have unlocked one hell of a secret. He watches as Raphael’s eyes grow wide; and he is breathing even faster now. In fact, he is sure that if Raphael’s heart could beat, it would be pounding. He feels it then, Raphael’s rock hard in his black pants. Simon can feel his own excitement grow in response. He shifts his weight grinding against him slightly.

Raphael hisses in response. “Dios.”

Simon bites his lips trying to stifle a moan. He takes a deep breath and moves his head so his lips are at Raphael's ear; licking his lips before he speaks.

“Raphael. I think you like this. That you want this. Me. In control.” Simon knows how he sounds, his voice low, barely above a whisper. Simon is sure, steady and more than anything else, in control. He licks a stripe down Raphael’s neck and his leader bucks up against him. Simon’s head snaps up and he locks eyes with Raphael.

“I am going to give you two options. One, you can forget this ever happened and I will never mention it again. Or…" and he pauses then gripping Raphael just a tad bit tighter. "You could come to my room and I can show you how commanding I can truly be.”

Raphael parts his lips, and Simon waits for the retort he is sure to come, but he is met with silence. He releases Raphael's wrists and backs away from him, slowly, with intent. He immediately misses the warmth of their bodies pressed together, but he knows that consent is a must if any power exchange were to happen. And if Raphael chooses to walk away, and never mention this again? Well, then he will learn to live with that too. It's only forever, right? Simon leaves the kitchen, not caring that he didn't finish cleaning up the mess he made. Right now the only thing that matters was getting out of the presence of Raphael, before his shock wears off and he decided to do something drastic, like kill him. Because Simon is pretty sure that threatening the vampire clan leader was a crime punishable by death.

The first night after the kitchen incident, Simon hides in his room, unsure he could face his leader and the object of his affection who he basically outed himself to. Doubts and fear plague his brain, along with fifty million other reasons to stay locked up in his room. The second night, he does the same. The third night, he creeps along the halls stealthily, well as stealthily as he is able in his flip flops.

“Where you been baby?” Lily appears suddenly in front of him, making him jump.

“Lily! You scared the shit out of me.”

“That wouldn't happen so much if you trained more, ” she smiles.

“Yeah, yeah.” Simon looks around nervously.

“He’s not here,” she says nonchalantly.

“uh… who?”

“Raphael. That is who you were looking for right?”

“Um, no.” I was heading to the kitchen.”

“If you say so. But he still isn’t here. He left on clan business yesterday.”

‘Like I said, I wasn't looking for him anyway.”

“Uh huh,” she answers, before flitting away in a blur.

Simon takes a deep breath and heads to the kitchen. Now that he doesn't have to worry about Raphael jumping out from some dark corner to kill him, he might as well enjoy his night. Simon grabs a large glass of blood and heads to the training room. He knows he hasn't been training like he should and besides, he was starting to feel “restless”. After three hours of trying to get rid of that feeling of having too much electricity flowing through his veins, Simon calls it a night and quickly and returns to his room.

Simon would like to say he is okay with Raphael not coming to him. But he still can remember the way Raphael looked as Simon held him against the wall, shocked, angry, surprised and yet underneath it all, excited. Raphael’s pupils were blown wide with want, with lust, with need. Even his scent changed; turning spicy, and pungent with desire. Simon’s dick twitches in his pants as he remembers the heat that spread between them. Simon wanted nothing more than to press against Raphael until the older vampire could do nothing else but hold on as he rutted against him, until he shattered. Shit he thinks, I need to get out. He takes a quick shower then changes into dark leather pants and a skin tight black shirt. He then quickly pulls on his finger less leather gloves and grabs his play bag from his closet. Simon is just about to walk out of his room when he hears footsteps; footsteps that stop outside his door. Simon starts when he hears the first knock. Someone is at his door. And he already knows who it is- Raphael.

_Fuck._


	2. Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael has made his choice- but will he be able to consent? Can he truly let go? Simon may have something to do with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. Thank you all for taking the time to read, comment, and send kudos!!!  
> This was supposed to be a quick hit it and quit it sort of thing but its not working out that way. So I say lets roll with it. Hope you enjoy this next installment... I can definitely tell you there is at least a third chapter coming.
> 
> Sorry for any typos etc- I wasn't able to get this beta read before posting but will edit when I do. In the meantime, you can catch me here or at [sairyn-noc](http://sairyn-noc.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

It takes a moment for Simon to react, unsure of what he should do next. It's not that he didn't mean what he said that night, because he did. But what if Raphael is not here for _that._

“Knock, knock.”

Simon takes a deep breath and opens the door. Just as he suspects, Raphael is standing on the other side. He is dressed in a pair of soft sweats and a t-shirt. His hair looks soft, curly, and Simon can tell he has just come from the shower.

“Raphael,” Simon utters, carefully.

Raphael’s eyes scan over Simon’s frame, his eyes widening. “Were you leaving? I can come back,” he starts.

Simon quickly interrupts. “It’s fine, Raphael.” He watches his leader carefully, noticing that he hasn't yet stepped inside, something he usually does whether Simon wants him to or not.

“Lily said you were looking for me. Did you need something, fledgling?”

Raphael scowls as he speaks, and Simon can't help but think how adorable it is- Raphael trying to act like he’s put out, but Simon knows the truth. He can see it in the way Raphael is shifting his weight from one foot to the other, the slight stammer to his words and mostly in the way Raphael’s eyes dart around the room looking at anything and everything but the man in front of him. If Raphael truly wants this Simon decides, he has to be the one to make the first move. Of course that doesn’t mean that he can't give him a slight nudge. Simon leans easily against the door frame.

“No, I wasn’t looking for you, but that doesn’t mean I don't want…” And Simon pauses to run his gaze across Raphael from bottom to top, stopping when he reaches his eyes, “...something.”

Simon catches the first spike of Raphael’s excitement, a whiff of that spicy pungent scent so quick, that if he were still a mundane, he would've missed it. He drops his voice, it sounds husky and deep, to his ears- much like when he is in a scene.  “What about you, Raphael. Do you want... anything?”

Raphael is silent, apparently contemplating his words. He has not moved and neither has Simon. Slowly Raphael starts to shake his head from side to side. Simon can see him worry his bottom lip with a tip of slightly extended fang. Simon isn't quite sure if that's the truth, but he respects the call. Simon turns, walking deeper into his room, intent on calling it a night. The door closes behind him, leading him to believe that Raphael has left. But the next sound surprises him; the click of the lock falling into place. Simon quickly turns around to see Raphael standing in front of him, **inside** his room.

Simon can feel the familiar buzz of desire starting to course through his veins and his focus sharpens. The room becomes smaller, hotter and everything narrows down to just him and Raphael. With a thought and a blur, Simon moves to stand inches away from Raphael, so close he can feel Raphael's heat, smell the body wash from his shower. Simon licks his lips before speaking, his voice just over a whisper.

“Is there something you _need_?”

Raphael starts to nod and Simon reaches out to grab his chin, stopping the motion.

“Use your words, Raphael,” he admonishes.

Raphael is at odds with himself, in one way or another. Simon can see it. Raphael’s eyes look wild, and more than once Simon has seen him licking and biting at his lips. He lowers his hand and waits patiently for Raphael to answer.

“Yes, but. I don't.. I am not sure what it... I do not typically…” Raphael is stumbling over his words, fighting emotions that he may or may not understand.

Simon’s eyes soften. He may not know what Raphael is looking for or needing, but he understands how he is feeling. Simon knows all too well how it feels to be unsure of things; to feel different. To wonder what does it mean when you find your taste fall outside what others call “normal”. How it feels to want, need, and even crave things so many label taboo, or different. It doesn't matter though. Simon will give Raphael whatever it is and he plans on starting right the fuck now.

Simon holds Raphael’s gaze. “It doesn't matter. We don't have to label it one way or another. We will figure it out together.”

Raphael visibly relaxes, releasing the unnecessary breath he had been apparently holding.

“Have you ever heard of a safe word?”

“Eclipse.”

“Eclipse?” Simon repeats.

Raphael rolls his eyes. “You asked about a safe word. Mine is eclipse.”

Simon ignores the quick spike of jealousy that flares up within him at the thought of Raphael being with anyone else, that someone else has seen this side he is just discovering. “Then you know if you say it, no matter what, we will stop what we are doing.”

Raphael nods.

"Words, Raph."

"Yes."

Simon backs up an inch and takes a deep breath. He blinks once, twice and then smiles. Though from what he has been told there is nothing friendly about the smile that is currently on his face; some have called it different, while others have labeled it dangerous. He starts to walk around Raphael, slowly. Raphael turns his body to mirror, his vampire instincts kicking in.

“Don't move, eyes front,” Simon utters. Raphael straightens back out and stiffens slightly. Simon resumes circling around Raphael, slowly, looking the man over from head to toe. He can feel his body slowing down, the thrum of excitement starting to fill his veins. There is a different type of heat that occurs when Simon enters this head space, it's a need that crawls from somewhere so deep inside him, even him turning could not extinguish it. He wants Raphael to feel this heat, share it with him in any and every way possible. But Simon knows before he can earn Raphael’s submission, he must first earn his trust. He stops briefly when he is standing right behind Raphael and leans in closer, inhaling Raphael’s scent.

Simon’s fingers reach around, gently landing on Raphael’s hips. Raphael inhales sharply, balling his fists at his sides. Simon knows he is battling his fight or flight response about now.

“Is there anything I need to know, Raph? Any place I should not touch?”

Simon’s hands play along the hem of Raphael's shirt, his fingers occasionally brushing over the skin found beneath. Raphael starts to shake his head, and Simon stills. One absent heartbeat passes, then another. They stay like that for what would be ten heartbeats if they had one (if Simon was counting right), before Raphael answers.

“No,” Raphael utters.

Simon’s hands resume their earlier ministrations, purposefully dipping underneath the edge of Raphael’s shirt, his fingers dancing along his skin. Simon continues to breathe what would be called normally if he was still a mundane, letting his warm breath skirt across Raphael's neck. He can see that Raphael is also breathing, his shoulders rising and falling in a slow deep rhythm.

“Can you tell me your hard limits?” Simon asks next, all the while continuing to enjoy the feel of Raphael’s skin.

Raphael only hesitates briefly this time before speaking. “No waterworks, no scat, and nothing with fire obviously.” Once again, Simon has to fight the red haze of jealousy at hearing Raphael's knowledge of his world. Simon is about to ask his next question when Raphael continues.

“I am immortal, you cannot break me, fledgling.”

 _Oh fuck yes._ This is exactly what Simon needed. Someone whose strength matches his own, someone who he could bend and not have to worry about breaking. Simon’s dick begins to grow in his pants. He presses himself against Raphael, just enough so that Raphael can feel a hint of his desire. He turns both their bodies slightly to the right so that they are directly facing his mirror. Never has Simon been happier that the myth of vampires not having reflections wasn't true, than at this very moment. Now, not only will he be able to not only hear and feel Raphael’s reactions, but also see them with his own eyes. Presently, he can see that his leader’s hands are still balled up into tight fists at his side, and his eyes are closed.

“Fuck, look at you. You’re gorgeous. Open your eyes, Raph.” Simon whispers, his mouth near Raphael's ear.

Raphael opens his eyes, gasping softly when he sees their reflection staring back at him. Simon is holding Raphael against his own body, his hands beneath Raphael’s shirt. Simon locks eyes on his gorgeous leader and can't help the small moan that escapes from his lips. Raphael's hands immediately come up to Simon’s, stopping their progression. Simon’s not surprised; this is the moment, when the first signs of submission start to emerge, that true consent happens. The question is, will Raphael be able to let go? Simon stops moving and once again captures the older vampire’s gaze in the reflection. He waits patiently for Raphael to safe word out. When that doesn't happen, he gives Raphael another chance to change his mind.

“You do realize that unless you use your safe word, I will continue to assume I have your consent.” Simon pauses briefly before continuing. “Do you want to use it?”

Raphael looks at Simon in the mirror and answers. “No.”

“Then eyes on me and and remember don't move. You can reach behind and grab on to me if you can't keep your hands from moving.” Simon whispers.

Raphael lowers his hands. Simon’s hands resume their slow crawl up Raphael’s side beneath his shirt. They gingerly cross Raphael’s abs which tighten reflexively. When they come up towards his chest, Simon is careful to avoid touching either of Raphael’s nipples. Simon can hear the slight whimper in the omission, feel Raphael start to (unnecessarily) breathe a bit faster.

“Raph, you say that you are immortal; that I can't break you. But I don't believe that.” Simon moves his hands closer to Raphael’s now peaked nipples, still careful not to touch them, just circling them slowly.

“I think, that you want to be broken; that you _crave_ it.” Simon captures Raphael’s eyes again in the mirror as he ghosts his fingers over the tiny buds. Raphael shudders and releases a soft sigh.

“I promise you Raph, I am going to peel back every one of your layers; uncover every filthy and forbidden desire you have, and trust me, you _will_ break. You know what else I promise?”

Simon waits until Raphael’s eyes reopen and catches his gaze in the reflection. He pinches his leader’s nipples- hard. Raphael hisses and his pupils go wide with lust; his fingers dig into Simon’s legs at the contact. Simon smiles in the mirror and leans in close, nipping Raphael’s ear.

“I promise, that you will love every fucking moment of it.”


	3. Spilled Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally- the moment I have been trying to get to since I started this fic- SMUT. Unadulterated, kink laden, smut! I am absolutely sure I am going to hell for this or at least blind. Hope you enjoy- and Thanks to my girl Novemberhush for reading and rereading this over and over- as well. Read this I said, you'll like it, I said. ;)

 

“So tell me, what do you want, Raph?”

Raphael hisses as Simon runs his gloved palms across Raphael’s nipples again. In the mirror, Simon watches as the look flitting across his leader's face morphs from one of shock to something a bit darker, something decadent.

“What do you need?” Simon whispers, letting himself fall into that head space where he acts on instinct; becoming an instrument of pleasure for the man in his arms. A small moan escapes from between Raphael's lips and for the life of him Simon can't remember anything sounding hotter. He leans in, and runs his tongue along the back of Raphael’s neck, feeling the man shudder. He grasps Raphael tighter; holding him close; keeping the both of them protected in the bubble they are creating.

“I can't wait to see you; touch you,” Simon utters shakily, unable to control the want from bleeding into his voice.

Raphael’s eyes open wide, catching Simon’s gaze in the mirror. But this time Simon doesn't pause, doesn't stop.

“Strip for me. I want to look at you; all of you.” Simon’s hands wander to the waistband of Raphael’s sweatpants. Simon can't help but wonder what Raphael will do, or not do. Of course in his current state, he almost wishes Raphael would disobey, just as much as he wishes he would follow his soft command. He turns Raphael to face him, their brown eyes locking.

Simon takes a tiny step back. “Strip,” he says more forcefully.

He watches as Raphael licks his lips; once, twice before he decides. Raphael’s hands grasp the bottom of his t-shirt, slowly lifting the soft fabric over his head revealing his toned abs, broad chest and still peaked nipples. Simon can't help the wave of desire that spikes through him. He stops then to look up at Simon, his hands lingering on the waistband of his sweats.

“Simon…” Raphael stammers.

“Raph, tonight, you are not to speak unless I ask you to, you are to do as **_I_ ** instruct without question and you are not to come without permission. At any time you want to stop anything- you are to use your safeword. Do you understand these rules?”

“Yes,” Raphael answers, his head lowering.

Raphael’s hands grasp his sweats lowering them to the ground before stepping out of them. The first thing Simon notices is the fact that Raphael isn't wearing any underwear. The second thing? There are marks across his thighs. In fact, now that Simon is looking, I mean really looking, he can see that there are also marks striping Raphael’s chest although they appear to be much lighter. _What the fuck?_

“Is this what you were doing when you were away on clan business? Letting someone else touch you?” he starts, unable to hide the jealousy from seeping into his voice.

“No, I just…” Raphael starts, but Simon cuts him off.

“What are you doing here if you have a Dom, Raphael?” Simon asks bitterly, spinning Raphael around so he can look at his back, assessing for damage. “I swear, if you are hurt,” he mumbles, unaware he is speaking out loud while examining where the marks are.

“He isn't my…”

Simon's head shoots up. “What?? You let just anyone touch you!” _See you,_ his brain supplies. “Do you know what could happen? You could have been hurt or worse,” he yells.

“I’m immortal or do I need to remind you…”

“I don't give a shit! Immortal or not.” Simon grabs Raphael’s arm, pulling them both to the dresser with Raphael’s naked frame trapped between him and the furniture.

“Did you like it? Simon asks. “Having him touch you? Leaving his marks across your skin? Having his scent in your nose.” He leans into Raphael’s neck nipping at his collarbone, before moving to Raphael's mouth.

“Did he kiss you? Do you crave the feel of his mouth on yours; his tongue down your throat?” Simon grabs Raphael's head and pulls it towards his own. The kiss catches Raphael by surprise. Simon knows it is brutal, fierce and punishing; his fingers gripping his leader’s hair, holding him steady. Raphael groans and part his lips. Simon licks his way in, exploring Raphael's mouth like he owns it. And just as Raphael's hands start to pull him in closer, Simon backs away, ending the kiss.

Simon grabs at and squeezes his clan leader’s ass. “Did you let him fuck you after he marked you?” Simon can't stop the images of Raphael moaning greedily for someone else in submission, feeding his anger, his jealousy.

Raphael gasps loudly, his eyes growing wide. "No.”

“Or maybe you just got down on your knees and worshiped his cock. Is that it Raph? You had his fat cock between your pretty lips while he fucked your face?”

“No, I didn't, I couldn't!” he yells.

“Why not?” Simon yells back.

“Because....he wasn't you.”

“What?” Simon gasps.

Raphael lowers his head once again. “He wasn't you.”

Simon can't believe what he is hearing, and before he can process the words, his arms reach out to pull Raphael in close, once again finding his lips. Sunlight blooms behind his closed eyelids as Raphael allows Simon's tongue entry. Simon moans as the kiss deepens and becomes perfectly filthy; a heady mix of tongues, teeth and fangs. From somewhere deep inside a growl escapes from Simon’s soul. Breaking the kiss he takes in a large unnecessary lungful of air. _Mine_ , his brain screams. Simon flips Raphael so his front is facing the dresser and once again their reflections meet them in the mirror.

“Hands on the dresser...spread your legs. Up on your toes,” Simon orders. Raphael quickly moves into position. “Don't you fucking move.”

Simon looks down to see Raphael's cock is hard against the furniture. Simon longs to taste him. Instead, he grinds his hips against Raphael’s ass causing delicious friction. He removes his gloves before reaching for Raphael's length, stroking it slowly from base to tip. Raphael shivers in response. Simon’s fingers come away with drops of precome that have just started to ooze from Raphael’s cock.

“Eyes on me,” he whispers roughly into the shell of Raphael's ear. Simon slowly lifts his fingers into his mouth tasting the sweet salty mix that is Raphael and cant stop the hum of satisfaction that vibrates through him. When they are licked clean he brings them to his leader's mouth.

“Suck.”

Raphael opens wide and laves at the three fingers with his tongue.

“No one gets to touch you, Raph," Simon seethes. "I swear I should punish you for letting someone else see you like this. I should cuff you to the wall or better yet my bed; put my marks upon your skin so anyone and everyone knows you are taken; that only my hands can touch you.

Raphael whimpers around Simon’s fingers. When he removes them, he wraps them around Raphael’s cock stroking the older vampire slowly up and down his impressive length. Raphael moans at the contact.   

“Good boy. You got them nice and wet. You have a talented tongue. I have something else you can use your tongue on. Mmm, I can just see it. My cock between your pretty lips; me using your mouth as my personal fuck toy. Would you like that? Would you make me come?”

Raphael is breathing; hard. His knuckles pale with the grip of holding his position; his hips bucking up into Simon’s fist with each downstroke. Before he can somehow manage an answer, Simon continues.  

“Oh I would return the favor. Drag my tongue across your dick, suck on your balls, lave at your slit. I might even remember to keep my fangs in. Then again,...” he says running his fang across Raphael's neck, “... maybe I wouldn't. I can show you the benefit of both pleasure **and** pain, until you are nothing but a whimpering mess in my arms.”

Simon notices Raphael is panting; his body covered in a fine sheen of sweat. In the mirror he can see how Raphael's usually sharp eyes are blown wide with lust. The sight alone, not to mention the feel of Rapahel’s thick cock, now slick with wet, threatens Simon’s control, bringing him oh so close to the fine edge he is playing along.

“Dios. Yessss.” Raphael hisses, the words slipping from between Raphael's lips uninhibited.

“Did I say you can speak?” Simon swats the back of Raphael’s ass with his right hand. A quick blow, more sting than bite. Raphael gasps but doesn't speak.

“I should pull you over my knee and spank you until your ass is cherry red. Then fuck you senseless until all you could say was my name.”

“Ohhh.”

“You like that, don't you?” Simon hisses in his leader’s ear. He brings his hand down once again across Raphael’s ass.

_Smack._

“Ayyy…” The breathy moan that falls from the older vampire’s lips is almost pornographic. And Simon knows; knows that this is not a one off. That he will do anything to hear that sound again.

_Smack, smack, smack._

Simon’s hand fires off over and over in rapid succession, varying intensity and location. Raphael's fangs lower and Simon watches hungrily as Raphael bites his bottom lip, breaking the skin.

“You want me to to spank you, don't you baby? Want to feel my hands marking your body.”

_Smack._

Simon is impressed not once has Raphael broken his ordered stance- it makes him want his leader that much more. The heady scent of desire taints the air around them and Raphael is pushing back into Simon’s hand with each blow; lusty moans falling freely from his lips. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Simon is trying to stay in control using every lesson he ever learned to hold back; to not take Raphael, and claim him in every way possible. But his brain is feeding him sweet nothings that sound like _mine, need, want and now!_ He chances a glance in the mirror; sees Raphael’s eyes are completely glazed over. Simon grinds his hips into Raphael's now reddened ass trying to relieve some of his own pressure; his hands sliding to his leaders dick which is still standing at attention up against Raphael's stomach.  

“Look at you, so hard for me,” Simon says, trailing kisses along his spine. “Tell me what you need, Raph.” Simon drags a lone finger down Raphael’s cleft inching towards his hole.

“Please.” Raphael begs.

“Please what, baby? What do you want?” Simon asks, his voice husky with want. His finger teases around Raphael’s rim, careful not to breach the small ring of muscle.

“Any of it. All of it. Just... please. Please… fuck me.”

_Fuck me…_

Simon can't stop the buzzing in his ears at the sound of Raphael begging. Lust fills his brain and he knows nothing will stop him from claiming Raphael. He quickly yanks Raphael’s hair back turning his head so he can once again taste his lips. Once he has captured them he plunges his tongue deep into his leader’s mouth, catching the faint taste of copper from the bite earlier on his lips. Raphael kisses back eagerly, their tongues battling for a different type of dominance. When Simon can't wait another moment he breaks apart, but not before nipping at the same spot Raphael bit earlier, licking up the well of blood that oozes from the puncture.

“You taste so good,” he murmurs staring at Raphael's kiss swollen lips. “Stay right here for me; I'll be right back.”

In the blink of an eye, Simon rushes to his play bag, finding an unopened bottle of lube. Though it takes him no more than a minute, he is struck by how much he misses the heat of the man who waits for him- for him. “ _Please, fuck me.”_ Raphael’s words play over and over in Simon’s head. Simon covers Raphael’s body with his own. Hears the hiss that falls from his leader’s lips as his jeans make contact with his ass which is probably still raw and stinging. He brings his mouth to the shell of Raphael's ear, softly blowing warm air into it before speaking.

“Bend forward a bit with your feet flat and spread your legs a little wider for me, Raph.” Simon slicks up his fingers, while Raphael repositions himself. Simon stroke Raphael’s length a few times, slowly languidly, before dropping down to massage his balls, rolling them within his fingers. Raphael sighs and drops his head.

“Mmm, so good.” Simon whispers, his fingers trailing down back to Raphael’s hole. He circles it twice before inserting his finger through the tight muscle.

“Nngh”, Raphael cries out.

“Breathe baby, try to relax.” The words come naturally to Simon. His head is clear, his movements slow and steady. _In and out_ , slowly, gently, pushing in a little further each time. _In and out_. Simon’s other hand continues to stroke Raphael's dick; feeling the thickness, the curves, imagining his tongue tracing every vein, applying just the right amount of pressure. When Raphael starts to push back onto his finger, he knows it's time to add a second. Simon sucks a bruise into Raphael's neck, unable to stop himself from marking the man with his teeth. Two fingers deep, Simon begins to scissor and curve his fingers looking for Raphael’s prostate. Some love to have it stimulated while others not so much. Either way, Simon is determined to find out which way Raphael prefers. He adjusts his angle just so and Raphael arches and bucks into Simon’s hand currently fisted around his cock.

“Yes! There… Fuck...more.”

 _Well that answers that question_ , his brain comments. “Look at you begging for more,” Simon whispers hotly. He adds a third finger and continues to fuck Raphael in and out at an agonizingly slow pace, not willing to let this end before his leader is nothing more than a babbling mess. _In and out._

“Please, Simon, I need…”

“Shhh. I got what you need.”

“Yes, please. I… I need your cock inside me.”

Simon’s brain whites out and he quickly unzips his jeans and takes out his dick. He isn't as thick as Raphael but he is definitely a bit longer. Simon removes a condom from his pocket, quickly rolling it on before applying more lube.  

“Eyes on me. I want you to watch me fuck you, Raph.”

“Dios. Yes, please...whatever, just…”

Simon lines up his cock and slowly pushes into his leader’s tight channel, relishing in the slight burn.

“Yessss,” Raphael hisses.

“Oh fuck, you feel so good.” Simon rolls his hips slowly all the while looking at his leader in the mirror, watching for any sign of discomfort. Raphael's eyes are blown wide open. With each small thrust Simon pushes further in. _Just a little more baby, I know you can take it for me. Feel so good._ When Simon is completely sheathed, he stills, giving Raphael time to adjust.

“Move. Dios, please move…”

Simon doesn't hear the rest of Raphael's broken plea, he is lost in the feel of being engulfed in Raphael's heat. What starts off as slow and tentative quickly evolves into loud grunts and deep thrusts against the furniture. Simon catches Raphael's eyes in the reflection; he sees heat in them; it mirrors his own.

“Is this what you want, Raph? My cock buried deep inside of you; my marks on your skin?”

“Yes...you..”

“Mine!” Simon growls, slamming into the smaller man, hard and deep.

“Sí...es suyo, solamente...only yours,” he cries.

Simon grabs Raphael by the waist and pulls him towards his body, hard enough that he knows that the older vampire will have bruises. He pounds into his body with barely controlled thrusts; still aware that despite the fact that they are immortal, he doesn't want to hurt Raphael. The shift in the angle has Raphael crying out.

“Yes! Right there! I’m close..Ya mé....I’m going to...”  Raphael devolves into a mix of Spanish and English and Simon has to concentrate to keep his focus, his orgasm threatening to take over. Raphael’s hands move towards his dick and Simon slaps his hands away before grabbing at the base of Raphael's dick, squeezing hard.

“Don't you dare come. If I have to, I will tie your hands to the bed and fuck you all night; keep you right on the edge. That orgasm, the one you're chasing. It's mine; just like you are mine. And you will not come until I say so. Do you understand me?” Simon barks into his leader’s ear.

“Sí...yes…yours,” Raphael hisses, grabbing the edge of the dresser.

Simon blows out a big breath, trying to will himself to calm down and not blow his **own** load. “Maybe I will just slow things down; help you stay in control.” Simon changes his position and starts to fuck Raphael deep and slow. _In and out._ The man in question sighs deeply, laying his head down on his arms.

"Do you like this Raph? Me fucking you; owning you.”

“Mmm. Yes,” Raphael breathes.

“So good.” Simon pulls almost completely out before thrusting deep once again.

“Ayyy, yes, Simon. More,” he cries.

“Look at you; my little cock slut. Begging for it. You feel so good.” _In and out._

“Please, Dios..necesito...so close.”

“So am I, Raph. Mmm, I can't wait to feel you shatter around me.” Simon brings a hand back down to Raphael’s cock, stroking it slowly in time with his thrusts. _Up and down._

Ayyy, Raphael hisses. I can’t, I need to...Please!” Raphael begins to shake.

“Please what, baby,” Simon whispers.

“Please, Papí; Tengo que….I have to... Oh Dios, let me come. Daddy, please!”

And that's when Simon’s world blanks out. He has never been into daddy kink, but something about the way the words falls from Raphael's lips has him seeing stars. He strokes his leader’s cock a little faster, intent on feeling him come and pulse around him before he gives in to his own release. Simon pulls Raphael back up into him, his back against Simon’s shirt. His lips briefly touch the back of Raphael’s neck before moving to his ear.

“Come for me, Raph.”

Simon increases the pace of both his thrusts and strokes. When Raphael stiffens, Simon sink his fangs into his leader’s neck, triggering Raphael's release.

“Simon!” Raphael moans long and loud; white streaks of hot come erupt and splatter the furniture in front of them.   

“That's it, baby. Let go. I’ve got you.”

Simon continues to stroke Raphael throughout his release, suckling at the twin puncture wounds on Raphael’s neck, before giving in to the orgasm he has managed to keep at bay this entire time. Simon feels his hips stutter and he grits his teeth as his orgasm rips through him from someplace deep, someplace primal. He comes with a guttural scream; Raphael's name on his lips.

As the world comes back into focus, Simon carefully pulls out with an accompanying grunt from Raphael. “Sorry,” he whispers against his leader's skin.

He discards the condom, then maneuvers Raphael, who is swaying slightly, to the bed. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Simon re-emerges nude and with a warm wash cloth, cleaning the drying come on Raphael's abdomen and chest, before settling them both under the covers. He notices Raphael still looks glazed. Simon is sure he probably does also. For all he knows they have both lost consciousness for a moment after that marathon. He gathers the smaller man in his arms and pulls him in close, inhaling the rich scent of spice, sex and fragments of Raphael’s lingering body wash. Raphael closes his eyes, drifting. Simon wishes he could just relax and enjoy the moment, but the voices, the fears and the doubts grow louder in Simon’s head.

“I think you broke me,” Raphael slurs.

“Well you have definitely ruined me.” The words fall from Simon’s lips before he can stop himself.

Simon can feel his nervousness returning; his brain filling with random thoughts and questions like _what happens now? Does he hate me? Will we do this again. Go...dammit, shit! He hopes they can do it again and soon._

“You're thinking too hard. Stop fidgeting.”

“Um. Sorry?” Simon utters. “You know this doesn't have to change anything,” he starts. “I mean if you are not comfortable with any of….”

“Simon,” Raphael tries and fails to stop the downward spiral of Simon’s diatribe.

“Of course you are still my leader and that means…” Simon continues.

“Dios. Simon!” Raphael yells, reaching up and grabbing Simon’s chin. Raphael looks at Simon through his dark lashes and Simon is lost in their softness; their wide eyed openness. Simon can't look away, and more importantly he doesn't want to.

“This changes everything,” Raphael utters softly.

“Does it have to? I mean, can it be like our secret?” Simon asks hopefully.

“One hell of a secret don't you think? Besides, do you really think that in a hotel full of vampires, no one heard what we just did?”

Simon lowers his head, embarrassed.

“No, Simon, don't do that. Don’t feel shame. Everything we did; all the things I said, I … I wanted. I still want.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. Raphael looks away, as if he is afraid Simon won't feel the same. Simon reaches for him, capturing the lips that have haunted his dreams since that fateful night of his turning. Raphael groans, and Simon licks his way in, unable to stop the feeling of falling off a cliff and for once not caring. He smiles when they part, content to hold the vampire until the apocalypse drags them out of bed.

“I meant every word,” Raphael utters, his voice so soft, if not for his vampire hearing, Simon is sure he would've missed it.

“So did I. I want you to be mine Raph, only mine.” Simon whispers into Raphael’s dark curls.

“Yes, yours, sólo suyo,” Raphael answers.


	4. The Other Side of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael's perspective on what brought him to Simon's door. And what it means

_Raphael_

 

Raphael doesn't know how he got here. He can count on his fingers how many times he felt “something” for someone else that could even be close to love or attraction. It just didn't happen that often outside of _familia_. So how is it that he is here, lying in Simon’s arms after begging for him to fuck him like he owned him- and loving every second of it? Oh yeah, it started with a broken mug.

Three days ago his world was fine. That is, until Simon happened to break something else. _Mierda_ , he had never met anyone as clumsy and uncoordinated, and downright... _adorable_ his brain fills in, as his new fledgling. Every time he turns around, there is Simon, falling over, breaking something or just talking endlessly. So is it any wonder that he was completely shocked and surprised by this, this other fucking hot, demanding and dominating side of Simon. I mean Raphael always believed he could read people, that it is one of his special gifts. Well apparently he missed the mark, because he never saw this coming. Walking into the kitchen that night, his frustration had gotten the better of him as Simon broke yet another mug. But then, something happened and the next thing he knew he was being pinned to the wall by his “weak” fledgling. And from out of nowhere- like the universe had decided to let him know in no uncertain terms that guess what? Your world is about to be rocked. Some invisible switch was flipped making his body respond in ways he doesn't **ever** remember experiencing.

Raphael is not a virgin, in any way, shape or form. He took care of that like most of his friends did - in the back seat of his friends new 57 Chevy with a “good catholic girl”- while she was wearing her uniform. And as he and his friends all swapped stories of their conquests, he failed to mention that despite him “going all the way”, it really didn't do anything for him. There was no “Oh my God, I want to do that again”, moment. So he kept quiet about that little detail; became one of the good guys who didn't kiss and tell. Especially after he “kissed” (maybe a little more than kissed), one of his buddies after too many beers. While that event was more exciting than any girl he had been with, there was still no real fireworks- not like he experienced with Simon.

Imagine his surprise when he felt the rush of a desire stronger than any pull, his dick rising to the occasion craving something he usually witnesses in others as Simon leaned into him, grinded against him. When the moment passed, Raphael did the only thing he could do- he ran. Left and went to Idris, to see an old friend. When he arrived at Ragnor’s doorstep, he was agitated to say the least, although pissed would probably be more accurate.

“Que coño!” Raphael had yelled rapidly as his friend opened the door. “Dios, what the fuck!” Ragnor sighed and let one of his oldest friends in before pouring himself a drink. After cursing and ranting at nothing in particular for a good five minutes, Raphael told him of his encounter with Simon.

To which his decades old friend asked him a question. “You’ve never been on the other side have you?”

Raphael looked up with fire in his eyes. “No,” he quietly hissed. “But it isn't a question of sides, it's more the fact I don't typically _feel_ like this. As in hardly ever.”

Ragnor shrugged carefully and suggested maybe he should try it, embrace it. In fact, he made all the arrangements, _the bastard_. Which is how Raphael came to subject himself to yielding to someone who wielded both a crop and a cane. The blows were stinging, brutal even, but nothing he wouldn't heal from. More importantly, nothing that happened there produced the same mind blowing feelings of _want_ and _need_ , as that night. All Simon did was lean up against him; use his body to hold him, demand everything and nothing from him and it left him aching for more. Which is why when he returned to the hotel earlier tonight, he headed, after a momentary conversation with Lily to check on things, straight to Simon’s door. Raphael told himself it was just to be sure, because obviously it was a fluke, it had to be right? There was no way, he wanted _that_ from Simon. Right?

Confident, after his internal pep talk, he knocked on Simon’s door. He knew the fledgling heard him; could scent the spike in anxiety and fear coming from behind the closed door. And when it opened and he glanced at Simon, looking like he did in his jeans, tight shirt and leather gloves, _Dios_ . It took everything in Raphael to stay absolutely still, to not let _that_ look derail him in his quest. Although truth be told, it was over the moment he knocked. Despite his feigned indifference, Raphael's body had already made the decision for him, leaking desire into his veins. He tried to walk away, tried to stay as silent as he could, lest he say something that would spill the secrets he had been carrying for decades; since before his turning. Once the conversation ended, Raphael was ready to walk; he was so close to escaping. But the fire burning within him was like a Siren’s call, and the only true way to quench it was to face it like the man; like the leader, he was. And so he crossed the threshold; willingly walked into Simon’s room. Once inside he closed the door and locked it; thereby sealing his fate.

Nothing could’ve prepared him for the maelstrom that was a dominant Simon. The raw power and command he wielded was more intense than any instrument used upon him in Idris. Simon’s voice fell over him in waves, licking at the flames within, stoking them to grow higher, hotter. Simon’s touch, whether in concern for his safety or in punishment, spiked his need that much more. But what really threw him over the edge was Simon’s mouth. Filthy words spilled deliciously off Simon’s tongue, infiltrated his pores and intoxicated his brain. Each syllable, each promise, was a hot poker upon his skin as bright as the sun, that made him want to crawl down on his knees to beg and plead. _Fuck_ , he had never wanted, needed, or craved anyone like he had Simon in that moment. His Simon, the clumsy, nerdy fledgling, was dominating him like a master while _he_ himself was acting like a first time novice. Raphael remembers Simon moving fluidly between pleasure and pain; his cock splitting him in two; holding him back and edging him so close to the line until Raphael was seeing stars. And then finally after words so unbidden, so deep within Raphael’s psyche came tumbling from his lips in a curse and a plea, it was _his_ Simon who took him over the precipice into oblivion with his fangs.

Raphael shivers in the memory, causing Simon to pull him in closer. He can't stop the soft sigh from escaping through his lips. Raphael’s content is short lived, as within moments he catches the scent of Simon’s anxiety. Probably a prelude to an internal freak out Raphael surmises. He tries to get Simon’s attention before he gets to full meltdown mode.

“Dios, Simon,” he says insistently. “This will change everything,” he utters softly.  

Raphael knows this is true. There is no way to go back after this. But what is more startling is the truth behind his words. Of course Simon, misinterprets what he is saying. And for one brief moment, he thinks about letting the lie stand; letting Simon believe this was only a one off, something that can't be repeated. Whether out of necessity or fear he isn't sure. But the hum in his veins tells a different story; pulling him in like some magic spell he can't ignore. He wants this, _Dios,_ he wants to feel this again. And before Raphael can stop himself, the words are whispered into the universe- spoken in truth. “I meant every word... I want this.”

The kiss they share is tender, full of promises and words neither of them are ready to say, let alone think. Raphael is flying, lost in a haze of emotions he is completely inexperienced in, but unwilling to ignore. So when Simon asks, there is only one true answer, and Raphael speaks it confidently- “...Yes, only yours.”

Locked in the arms of his fledgling is the last place Raphael thought he would want to be; and yet here he is. As he starts to drift off, his last thought is that of a confession; a confession he has not yet spilled. He had tried to tell Simon before he undressed, the reasons why he was unsure, of why he could answer questions of hard limits and safe-words, but all of those secrets and more were hushed in his then ordered silence. And though they sit on the tip of his tongue, he decides to swallow them back. Maybe he will hold on to those; one spilled secret is enough- for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have stuck by me and followed along while my "short" hit it and quit it fic evolved into a multi chapter fic. Thanks for the comments, the kudos and the encouragement along the way.  
> Special thanks to my girl Novemberhush, who despite me exposing her to a whole list of kinks, still agreed to put up with me. Love you sweet girl!!!


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